Why is it that when we are together
my heart soars
Though I know it will crash the moment
we part . . . again
The high is so intense, I cannot quell the flight
Yet part of me dies in each crash
I swear not to do it again
Even as I wipe away blood and tears
I know I am lying
I will return
I hate that I do this again and again
I pray you won’t reach out
I die at the thought that you might not
I ache after each time
I think it won’t hurt so much knowing it’s coming
I lie and lie and lie
It always hurts and always will
Loving you is destroying me
I don’t care or do–I cannot tell
As the pain eases, I will rationalize
Later, I will calm and wonder about my sanity
I will wait for your call with bated breath
Eventually I will stop waiting and mourn
I’ll catch my breath, turn away ashamed
I swear I won’t run to you when you call
I swear I won’t. . . .
Until I do.
But it’s different this time
I’m stronger
And wiser
And tougher
And prepared
Only I am not.
So why does my heart still soar
when we are together?